Monday, April 27, 2015
I have spent the last couple of weeks reading all of the archives of this blog. This was one of my procrastination projects (the thing you do when you just don't feel mentally ready to study for finals, when your brain shuts down the second you look at words like "hearsay" or "market definition.") The reason I read every single post on this blog from 2005 to 2014 was to make sure there was nothing objectionable or overly embarrassing on here, things I wouldn't want legal employers to read. For example, when I dreamt only of being a botanist and imagined that therefore, no one would care what I had to say on the Internet (unless it was climate change denying or that I spray glyphosate on windy days), I became very angry at one of my state representatives for his stance on marriage equality, and I wrote something rude about it on this here blog. (It's depublished now.) It was not well-reasoned or well-written, no legal argument, just rude words. A law school friend told me that the presence of this post on the Internet would not hurt me, that employers might admire my early passion for the law, but I think that would only be the case if I had made an argument and also not used rude words. So, that was hastily de-published.
Another sort of thing I edited (so much for authenticity) and de-published were the multitude of mentions of my dating and drinking life. I kept thinking, "Why did Sarah of the mid-to-late-2000's write this?" First of all, it was no one's business. Second, it was worse than the truth! It was hyperbolic--I wasn't some lush stumbling around day drinking and tripping and laughing about it. Why was I writing these exaggerated accounts that made me look ridiculous and imprudent?
Because I was going through my chick lit phase! The blog originally started as practice for writing a semi-autobiographical semi-fictional account of early 20's life, sort of like the chick lit I read at the time, but with also a literary bent and penetrating satire like maybe I could also be a modern-day George Eliot or Jane Austen (if Maggie Tulliver had access to jello shots???? Jane Eyre on OKCupid?????) and as a result, this was the life material from which I was drawing, and it also made sense to exaggerate it for comedic effect. I was making fun of myself, and I had different concerns then.
I left up quite a few silly posts, such as the The Dollar Word Chronicles and the time I accidentally flirted with a homeless man that I thought was my now-husband. (In my defense, he was in front of my at-the-time boyfriend's house and they had the same jacket! In my non-defense, he was going through the recycling. Well, there, now you know the whole story.) And as much as they embarrass me now, I didn't de-publish some of the unfunny, non-narrative stuff I wrote over the years about feelings. Whenever I was changing jobs or moving, these sorts of things would come up. Even though they give me a bit of a shame hangover, I left them up. Ditto for things I wrote where I can see I was trying to be funny, but now I read them and think, "What a lame person." Other things like that, things that show my faults, but not any particular imprudence or poor decision-making. These things I left in place, because at some point it occurred to me that I'm probably among my harsher critics. These things that I see and think, "What a loser," might be the things that my friends see and think, these are the flaws and quirks that make this person relatable and likeable.
This whole process felt, at times, like too much navel-gazing. It was weirdly self-absorbed. On the bright side, I think it helped me write some cover letters! Remembering things like, that's right, I was always interested in ______. My concern for (____ social issue) goes back a long way! Another benefit was getting reminded of recipes I meant to try and never did as well as recipes I made years ago, loved, and forgot about (why don't I make mujadara anymore?); interesting articles that were still interesting upon rereading; and blogs I used to follow and love and stopped following with both the death of Google Reader and my law school-era switch from blogs to podcasts.
A side note on that: at some point, probably in 2013, I stopped reading so many blogs, just completely fell behind on the blogs I'd been following some of them since college, and began listening to podcasts the way I used to read blogs. It started because I could listen to them when I went running or walking, and then I liked them so much, the same way I liked blogs, that I began finding ways to listen to them whenever I could, like while doing chores. At some point I realized that podcasts had completely replaced blogs in my life, and at least in the first year of law school (when even the best time managers are faced with an overwhelming time management challenge) this was just because I had less time to read blogs, or so I thought--any sitting time where I could read would be for textbooks--leaving only the time where I was doing things I must do (such as walk to class) and could not possibly read a textbook, that was the time I had for podcasts.
One of the results of this project is that I have resolved to once again make time for blogs, my favorite kind--the literary, narrative kind, the ones with stories--and to do what I always intended to do which is go way back to the very beginning of their archives and read from start to finish! Instead of mindlessly scrolling through Facebook in the mornings, this is what I will do! I started today! Would you like to know what I am reading? Vespa Vagabond, Remember (a blog that was something else, like Domestic PDX, when I first started reading), and Orangette (a food blog, but one that tells stories. I listen to the Spilled Milk podcast every week, and now it's time to start reading her blog again.)
Why was I doing this? Why did I embark on this long introspective project? Because with two other law students, I've started a constitutional law blog. Well, "started" is open to interpretation. We have had a name picked out for over a year. It came to me one day, a flash of inspiration in the first row of Classroom 1E while my Constitutional Law professor was lecturing. I think it may have been one of the two days I said anything in class, the day I for some reason asked a statement-question as to why we have intermediate scrutiny (when in my opinion, it's subject to stereotypes being dressed up as "scientific facts of biological differences") or strict scrutiny or any scrutiny, why not equality all around, blah blah blah blah blah rant rant rant with an insincere question mark at the end? The gender and law blog I'd had in mind for quite some time, something that would address the same issues as the feminist blogs I used to love and stopped loving, but in a different (and let's face it, possibly boring) way. In my dream, this blog would present the facts, just the facts, or any facts that were unclear but with a statement that they were unclear, and then the law behind whatever was happening (instead of leaving it at, "this law sucks, these legislators want to control my uterus," some background in constitutional law and whatever else was applicable, explaining why and how this law was being proposed, and if it's unconstitutional, why it is, not just that it sucks because men don't have uteruses and there are too many white males in charge of us, their misogyny a rebuttable presumption but a presumption nonetheless, and also, religious people, their intolerance a rebuttable presumption but a presumption nonetheless.) (That parenthetical is possibly more opinionated than I expect the blog to be. But we'll see; I think my opinions will come out despite my best efforts. I just hope to present them in a tolerant and open-minded way.) The idea is to provide readers with information, not just opinion, and enough information to make up their own mind, not just fill them with righteous indignation. This will give them the tools to, if they wish, do something about the issue. I hoped to get behind the issues, to scrutinize them. Since I intended to focus on gender issues, the name for this blog would be the standard of scrutiny applied to gender discrimination in constitutional law. The name for this blog is Intermediate Scrutiny.
(Another side note: As this blog materializes, we may not be entirely limited to the application of constitutional law to gender issues. There are three writers, and all three of us are interested in a multitude of constitutional and legal issues. Sometimes, a narrow focus is better than being all over the place, but at this point, I don't see a reason to limit ourselves.)
Shortly after, I excitedly announced my plans to a classmate with whom I often discussed constitutional law. At some point, it was agreed upon that we would do this project together. We talked about it on and off for an entire year. It never materialized. We were too busy! Then one day this spring, in a different constitutional law class, I decided NOW IS THE TIME. WE ARE MAKING THAT BLOG. It will stop being just an idea. It needs to be real RIGHT NOW.
At this point, there were only two writers. We resolved that we would tell our favorite professors, but that we would also wait until after we had some actual content on the blog. We both broke that resolution, I believe the same afternoon that we made it. Now that we had told our professors, we were locked in. We had to follow through. I set up a Blogger account. I set up a Gmail account. We drafted some posts. Finally, this weekend, my husband designed our masthead and layout, and I threw up a temporary "Coming soon, we have finals" post. The third writer joined us this weekend, too.
Since Google no longer shows me posting as "botanylicious," but as Sarah Kelsey, and since we told our professors and others about Intermediate Scrutiny, it occurred to me that my personal blog would be linked to this account, all the dumb stuff I wrote in college and beyond linked for all my law school world to see. That is why I went through the entries on this blog. It seemed more likely now that someone might actually find this blog and the more imprudent posts, and not only did I not want that affecting my reputation, but I also didn't want that affecting the reputation or credibility of our new blog project!
(It really wasn't that scandalous. It can mostly be summed up as, "Omg, I'm 21, my friends and I went to a bar! Someone said something silly and someone else tripped! HAHAHAHAHAHA! Everything is funny and fun! Someone spilled a drink! HAHAHAHA! There was a dog at the bar! What was he doing there? HAHAHAHAHA!" and that little diversion where I got angry at a state representative. Since these posts weren't even that funny, I took a "better safe than sorry" approach to de-publishing.)
Another realization that came out of this project, in addition to how much I like reading narrative blogs, was how much I sometimes liked writing one. There are a few golden periods in the archives, in 2010 and 2011 and a little of 2012, and many of my best posts were written while I was also overwhelmed with graduate school (not law school, an unfinished MPA program) and balancing graduate school with work and adult life. The point is, I was busy then, too, but I made time to write, and at some point I observed that it was making me a better writer of things I had to write. Writing "for myself," as some people call it, made writing for others easier. I spent less time staring at blank screens while writing for school or work. It was easier to get started, easier to find the words I needed, and easier to convey complicated ideas clearly. What may have seemed like a self-indulgent hobby had some productive value. So maybe I should try it again.
I jotted down a few ideas, before starting this post (okay, okay, it was an outline), but this post has gotten long enough. Plus, I have to study for my Evidence final. They were "people might want to know what podcasts, so list them," "law school thoughts--the inevitable 'should I really be here?' crisis and its resolution (answer: yes)", and "green mango and green papaya." The latter is about, along with this mid-2000's blog nostalgia, rediscovering my mid-2000's cookbook collection. I've started making things out of an out-of-print cookbook series I discovered in college, Delightful Cookbooks by Eng Tie Ang. If you can find cheap copies of these on Amazon, I highly recommend it, but that's a post for another time. I won't promise "more on that later," because as I learned from reading ten years' worth of my own blogging, most of the time when I make that promise, the "more later" never materializes. I will tell you about my first foray into cooking with green papaya and green mango later...I hope.
And please check out our new blog, Intermediate Scrutiny! You don't have to like con law to like it! If you have a suggested topic for us, please send us an e-mail, or if there is a topic that you'd like us to illuminate (why is ___ constitutional issue the way it is?), e-mail us about that too! Although we do have some ideas for post topics, I'd love to get ideas from readers as to what they really want to hear about.
Friday, December 12, 2014
It has been so long since I have written, that I get stuck trying to write a new post, torn between the kind of thing I'd write if I was writing regularly (a detailed account of a small thing in my life at the moment, or a small thing I'm remembering and think is interesting), and some kind of grand feelings-filled catch-up. A few days ago, I tried to write some kind of hybrid. It was terrible, a failure, and unfinished. I didn't want it to take up any more of my life, to finish it and then edit it, and I wanted to do some things off of the computer. It was some kind of summary of feelings and things having to do with just finishing a very busy and stressful semester (fortunately one person warned me about the first half of 2L year, that it can be more work that 1L year and that's all I'll say on that topic for now) and with a very veiled reference to current events in America, what sort of little things are making me happy. I meant to say, "For example, turkey stock!" It became a long story, with multiple nested stories, about this particular turkey, why I'm talking about a Thanksgiving weekend tradition now (we froze the turkey), how we once brought a frozen turkey carcass home to Portland from Hawaii to make stock with it, and all of the details of what we did this Thanksgiving weekend.
It might not have been a bad post, but as the first post in months, and possibly the only post for another several month!? Who is going to come here to read about turkey stock!?
And it was all to make the point that I like waking up on the morning that the turkey is still in the crock pot, and the stock is ready, and filling a mug not with coffee or tea but with turkey stock, and drinking a mug of it, sometimes two, and before starting the work that's weighing on my mind; before contemplating current events that make me sad, I have a brief moment to enjoy something small and nice in my life.
My technique to preserve sanity right now is to focus on small things and moments like that, sort of like looking at a photograph for awhile, and not contemplating what is outside of the frame, except for a memory of something similar to what is in the photograph. What a lovely cup of coffee I am drinking! And this mug, it was given to me by a dear friend. Remember that time dear friend and I had coffee together? rather than, What a lovely cup of coffee! I'm so glad it's fair trade! I hope it's fair trade, anyway. Remember the story that professor told about every drop of coffee representing a drop of peasants' blood?! My, the world is so horrible! Unfair labor practices! Environmental destruction!
Well, I can't do it--the latter. I need to take breaks, breaks that are breaks. Thinking only about the happy things in my small world, ignoring for a moment the ways in which I benefit from some injustice elsewhere, doesn't mean I don't care, that I'm ignoring it, that I'm going to forget why I went to law school in the first place (and government school before that) (and botany school before that even). I just need some calm time and space.
This is why I get so darn mad about Facebook. I wouldn't be active on Facebook at all if I hadn't moved around so much in my twenties. It's the fastest way to stay in touch with people, to see the content they want to share. My study break is seeing the new pictures my friends posted of their families, and exchanging some words with them. But this is not easy to do! I've managed to screen out what was distracting me a year ago--all the clickbait, all the news and "news" and random poorly written blog post rants. I managed to filter a lot of the sources out of my feed and just get better at recognizing them so that I didn't click on them anymore and get annoyed and distracted and waste time that I could be (as I wrote a few posts ago) reading Little Dorrit or knitting a sweater. Or doing my homework.
The first thing I did was start using Instagram instead, to share picture updates with my friends and family. Pictures of the garden, pictures of the cats, pictures of food we made, pictures of sunsets in Scottdale. (and that's pretty much my whole Instagram feed.) I'd share to Facebook from Instagram. But even then, if I wanted to respond to comments, I still have to go on Facebook and I can't find a way to get rid of that awful "Trending" tab. It's always got some bad, violent news headline! I'm not going on Facebook to consider societal problems! I want fifteen minutes to NOT think about them. I really don't want to hear about recent grisly murders! There's nothing I can do about them! Maybe I'm not that good at compartmentalizing, because seeing a headline can ruin my mood for awhile; it stays on my mind.
So, now when I want to share a moment or story with my friends and family far away, I've started to think, "But is it really worth signing onto Facebook?"
A few days ago, I posted the following picture to Instagram:
Between various forms of social media and some Googling, I tried to figure out what I was going to do with these salmon eggs. I made caviar at 5am today, and I wanted to share this information!
But was it worth going on Facebook?
And so, My Caviar Adventure. It was after I got home from the supermarket that I discovered that I had not purchased a container of salmon eggs, but rather a "skein" of them, and that before I could do anything, I had to separate the eggs from the "skein."
Something woke me up at 3:00 this morning, and at 4:30 I decided to just start my day. I made my husband's lunch, and at 5:00 thought, "Why not try to make that caviar now?"
The technique I used to separate the eggs from the skein was to put a cooling rack over a bowl and run the skeins across the wide mesh of the cooling rack, so that the eggs would fall into the bowl. "You'll break a few eggs this way," said the Internet. "You should remove all the little bits of membrane," said the Internet. Well, Internet, I broke most of the eggs, and how do I remove all those tiny bits of membrane? I don't see how I can without breaking EVERY egg!
I rinsed them with cold water, and then brined them in heavily salted water for about half an hour. I rinsed them again, hoping that would get the membrane off, and put the resulting caviar in a jar. At one point, I did take a picture of the brined eggs in the mesh strainer, a beautiful pink color, reflecting the light of the range hood like little gems.
Perhaps you can already tell from the picture what I am about to say--after all that effort, a fish-egg covered cooling rack, and all but two of my mixing bowls used and dirty--I have made about a tablespoon of caviar.
A dollar well spent!
Sunday, June 22, 2014
Our Georgia home is in a village that seems to be both hidden and secret. On a hill, visible from my living room window, is the best supermarket in the Atlanta area. Especially on weekends, when the staff parks on our neighborhood streets, hundreds of people visit the market, yet when I tell people where I live, most have never heard of Scottdale at all, let alone the Scottdale Mill Village. Many have been to our market and even those who shop their regularly have no idea, until I tell them, that down the hill from the market is a secret historic neighborhood.
(Maybe I should stop giving away the secret!)
The neighborhood was once a company town for a cotton mill that existed from the turn of the twentieth century until the 1980's, if the information I've been given is correct. When I looked up the public record for our house, it said that the house was built in 1915, the same year as the mansion in which our Portland apartment was located. I mentioned this to a neighbor who told me no, 1915 is just when the houses got entered into the tax records, but they are much older. I think she said some were built in the 1890's! but I could be wrong. In any case, our house is about a hundred years old. The owner of the mill built the homes for employees and their families. Ours was a "three-room" house, and if you don't count the bathroom, it is three rooms--a kitchen, a living room, and a bedroom. The three-room house, my neighbor told me, was for a family of four.
Many of our neighbors were born in one of the houses in the neighborhood, although they live in different houses now. These are the neighbors who are able to tell us stories and history.
Between our neighborhood and the market is a barrier of forest. The forest was much larger until a few months ago, when seemingly overnight, it was cut down to make way for an expansion of the market. Opinion on this issue throughout the village is varied and in some cases, passionate. I am just glad that the little forest barrier we have still exists, and I hope it stays. It makes my daily walks varied and interesting. There are always new birds and flowers to see.
Besides a collection of historic homes, trees and birds, and an amazing place to buy food, our neighborhood has some less idyllic surroundings.
Our neighborhood sits between the market and a busy street, one of the main roads of the Atlanta/Decatur area. The road bends, forming a semi-circle (sort of), and our neighborhood sits in that sort-of-semi-circle. The hill keeps out most highway noise. However, very, very close, just on the other side of that main road, are train tracks, so occasionally, a train will come by with its loud, blaring horn. Near the train tracks is the steel mill, from which the smell of varnish occasionally drifts into the neighborhood, but usually, it causes no disturbance other than some strange noises. Late at night, the high-pitched mechanical noises sound like something from a science-fiction movie. HM can't hear as high of pitches or as distant of sounds as I can, and so until I met someone else who'd heard them, I questioned my sanity.
Driving to our neighborhood from the Emory area or from downtown Decatur, an industrial area is all there is to see, making the existence of a quaint neighborhood seem even more unlikely. If one were to leave downtown Decatur, for example, and head in our direction, the sights would include a lot of car repair places with old cars out front, a huge strip club, some large lots shielded by chain-link fences, some secondhand stores, more car-related businesses, some property owned by MARTA, a bus depot, and finally, the market.
On our first day in the neighborhood, HM and I went for a few walks to explore and to buy food. Most of our belongings, including cookware, were still on a moving truck, so we didn't have much to do besides walk around; this was partly also because we needed to find something to eat. In one direction we walked, with no sidewalks and mostly dirt paths very close to the road, to Kroger and to the Last Chance Thrift Store. (I think this might have been the day I found a suit there for $18!) In the other direction, we walked up the hill, most likely with a plan to go to the market. We saw a sign that piqued our interest, however. It said Scottdale Bakery Outlet. I don't think we noticed that in the lot behind the building were large Egyptian-style statues, unceremoniously stored next to some unglamorous trailers. We turned toward the small strip mall where we hoped to find a bakery outlet. In my experience growing up, a bakery outlet was a store that had stuff that food companies for some reason didn't want to or couldn't sell at regular grocery stores and the outlets would sell them for really cheap. When I was a kid, I'd get brownies and blondies and discontinued Celestial Seasonings tea at an Arnold Bakery Outlet.
We may not have noticed the Egyptian statues in the back, but as we approached the store, we noticed the Egyptian statues decorating the front of it. "Maybe it's an Egyptian bakery outlet! Maybe they'll have pita!!!!!!" I exclaimed happily.
But as we continued, the storefront facing us looked nothing like a bakery. I'm writing this from a memory that could be inaccurate, and I won't be going back to confirm these details for reasons I'll explain further down. Behind the big glass window was a velvet curtain, I think dark red or dark purple, and a paper-and-Sharpie'd sign about a bookstore, or something. The building looked closed. We may have even tried the door, so determined to find discounted pita. It was locked. As we later learned, despite the misleading bakery sign, it is actually a religious building, a meeting place or a temple or something for the Nuwaupians.
The neighborhood suits us perfectly. It is secluded, not isolated, but downtown and the law school are easily accessible. We have the benefits of being near a city, but we have a large yard that we are converting into a microfarm. Everyone is friendly, yet everyone also seems to maintain a healthy level of privacy; everyone waves at whomever they see (even contractors and strangers) on the street, but unlike in other places I've lived, no one's ever looking in or knocking on my window. The neighborhood has many impressive gardens, but the attitude is tolerant of works-in-progress, bug-eaten or weedy chaos, and gardens decorated with yard art that is made out of garbage. For example, when we tore up much of the lawn to put in raised beds with vegetables, everyone had kind things to say. No one has commented on the in-progress patches that I'm working on, and before my perennials and sunflowers started to get established, it was either bare dirt or sale papers I could barely keep covered by mulch. In progress is a post about our garden. Or probably a series of posts. I have been documenting it with pictures pretty regularly. I've also been documenting the forest barrier and how it's been changing. When I started my walks in the winter, I took a lot of pictures of sunsets. After awhile, I started capturing the land, as it was being cleared, and sometimes the construction equipment in the pictures. So now I have a purpose, to target the market expansion as it happens, especially at sunset, from the point of view of the village.
When I was little, my family would drive to Florida about once a year. It was not until I was a teenager that I traveled by plane. A 21-hour drive, not a 2-hour flight, was my normal.
This was how I saw so much of the South. Many hours and many miles, but much of it only from I-95. Cars with different license plates, gas stations, Shoney's breakfast buffets, South of the Border billboards, and rest areas distinguished by something special in the vending machines (strawberry soda, mostly like Crush, or once, an event so special I sought to recreate it for much of the 90's--a Milkshake candy bar) or palm trees (which I might later learn were actually palmettos) planted near the Welcome sign.
Very often, we wouldn't get a hotel between New Jersey and Florida; we would drive straight through the night. My mom would sleep, my dad would drive, and sometimes, I would be awake, too, listening to music and talking with Dad. I loved the car ride, if not as much as Disney World, at least as a part of the vacation, an event without which the yearly vacation just wouldn't seem right. I loved being awake in the middle of the night, in a place I didn't live, looking out the window and staring at what seemed like thousands of stars. I felt like an explorer. And I especially loved being awake in the last hours of night and the first hours of morning, and that little bit of time in between when the sky would start to lighten and change colors.
When I began looking at and applying to law schools based on my advisor's suggestions, I noticed that many of them--Vanderbilt, Duke, UVA, and Emory, where I am now--were in the Southeast. The Southeast wasn't where I'd immediately planned the Jersey-to-Portland-to-???? path to take me, but I thought about these road trips and it seemed alright. Those road trips created most of my frame of reference for the Southeast as a place to move and live for my first year of law school and marriage; when I thought the place to which I'd be uprooting my husband, a place and possibly a region where he'd never been, I pictured Shoney's breakfast buffets, palmettos at rest areas, and misty sunrises over I-95. Even the day we drove from New Jersey to Atlanta, that image comprised much of my vision of our new life.
New images have filled my mind since we moved to Georgia. Also, here in the Piedmont*, with Appalachian geology, botany, and ecology, my surroundings more closely resemble the rural northwest New Jersey where I grew up than the Coastal Plain stretches of I-95 I saw as a kid in a car on the way to Disney World.
Over winter break, I started a routine where, if I didn't get exercise in some other way, I'd walk around my neighborhood four times. According to my smartphone, it's half a mile around, so four laps is two miles. At first I felt self-conscious about it, like people might be thinking, "Why is that woman passing our house for a fourth time?" but then I noticed that I wasn't the only person in the neighborhood walking in circles every day. Now that it's summer and it's hot and humid by 9am, I'm trying to walk in circles in the morning. Unless it's just rained, evenings are still hot and humid. One night last week, it was so hot that just the first half-mile lap made me tired! So, I try to get out before 8am. There's enough to see here that even walking the same route four times, I notice something new at every turn. It is in these early mornings that I've started to see something that reminds me my I-95 road trips in the South. Just one corner of my route looks out to the main road, and there, across the main road, by the train tracks and the traffic light, over the trucks and 7-11, is the sky, fringed with mimosa trees. The trees are now bedecked with sunrise-colored blooms. Mist hangs over the scene; the pink mimosa-colored sky and the pink sunrise-colored flowers above the trucks and the train tracks and the traffic light and the 7-11 behind a thin screen of mist are the image that merges this moment right now, the life I live today, with middle-of-the-night watching stars over the highway fade and brighten into a sunrise over I-95.
So far, I haven't been able to get a camera-phone picture to capture it successfully.
Albizia julibrissin, Persian silk tree, in the Fabaceae family, like mimosa, but apparently technically not a true mimosa.**
*Some geology, based on Wikipedia, Google searching, and what I remember from a land use planning internship in 2007: Atlanta and therefore, my home in unincorporated DeKalb County, lies in the Piedmont physiographic province, which is part of a larger Appalachian geologic something (region? I don't know the proper terminology!). Much of New Jersey also lies in the Piedmont region, but the part where I grew up lies in the Appalachian Ridge and Valley physiographic province. The parts of North Georgia where I've (so far) gone apple picking and hiking are either also in that Ridge and Valley province or they are in the Blue Ridge province. North Georgia especially feels familiar; when we are there, I am constantly exclaiming that some view from a hill looks IDENTICAL to suchandsuch in soandso place in Sussex County, NJ. Picking apples at Mercier Orchards is like picking apples at Pochuck Valley Farms, etc etc.
**I only buried this in the footnotes because it makes me a little sad; Albizia julibrissin is now classified as an invasive species in Georgia.
Tuesday, June 17, 2014
Artemisia the cat chases her tail. She catches it with her claws and teeth, and almost immediately becomes angry at whatever has made her hurt. Not understanding that it is her own face that did it, she resumes chasing that monster, her tail, with enhanced fervor. She attacks it with enthusiasm, and, shocked, she stops. She looks up, surprised at the pain, and in that time the tail monster has escaped. Artemisia regards it with renewed hatred and chases it again. She catches her tail and attacks it again, chases and attacks it again and again, with increasing savagery each time.
I intervene! I worry what will be the outcome of this series; I picture a trip to the vet, a bandaged tail, and a cone collar.
But sometimes I'm not quick enough, and I've been able to see the end of Artemisia's chase-bite-chase cycle.
Artemisia will jump up and tear across the house, bouncing off walls, running from room to room, eyes filled with terror.
Artemisia will run away from her tail.
Thursday, June 12, 2014
I'm afraid I set too high of a standard for myself with my last post. After that, I felt compelled to only publish stories, and not the meandering rambles so typical of this blog. In the past I have written stories on this blog interspersed with the rambles. I've written narratives with a beginning, a middle, an end; a crisis, a conflict, a resolution; but feeling like I must do so made adapting my experiences to fit within that framework seem like an insurmountable challenge. These are a lot of words to express the thought most people would succinctly sum up as, "overthinking it."
Handsome Man and I have lived in Georgia for almost a year. I see that I have not written (although have probably drafted) a post about where in Georgia we live. Our neighborhood and our house seem like a good place to start - the beginning, the foundation, the home.
We agreed to move into our home without having seen it in person. The landlord seemed nice but also organized, responsible, and normal, from his ad and from phone and email conversations. We got a good vibe.
We were both completely aware of how dangerous it can be to make a decision on something administrative and important, like a house, based on a "vibe." A vibe combined with concepts such as "cute," "historic," and "space for a garden." That vibe can quickly turn into such realities as flaky landlord, irresponsible landlord, landlord with improper sense of boundaries who sneaks into the home while you are out to snoop and you'll discover to your surprise that a stranger has used your toilet while you were gone. (See the following here.) "Historic" and "room for a garden" can suddenly turn into "falling apart...cute...but dilapidated...in perhaps a charming way...but bordering on ramshackle nonetheless," coupled with "one small raised bed in the backyard, which is deep shade, and a lawn you're not allowed to turn into garden but you also have to mow, but I guess you could put some flower pots on the (partially covered and therefore shady) porch if you want."
We left New Jersey, about ten days after our wedding, on the morning of move-in day. Thanks to some traffic jams and one extraordinarily drawn out stop at a Dunkin Donuts (a story for another time), we arrived at our new home at close to midnight. Our new landlord was waiting for us with the keys and a few rolls of toilet paper and paper towels, because it occurred to his wife and him that it might not have occurred to us to pack such essentials. During another visit that same week, they both individually and separately said we could do what we wanted with the yard, that while we were paying rent it was our home to do with whatever we want except "just don't burn it down."
So, in short, taking a chance, choosing a home, and putting down a deposit without an in-person visit, based on some photos and a "vibe," worked out very well. Our apartment in Portland was lovely, but at least once a day, since August 1st, I comment to myself how fortunate I feel to be here, in a house, small but still a house, with no upstairs or downstairs neighbors, no one sharing the laundry machine except my husband, no one to be bothered by my noisy heavy walk or loud Jersey phone voice, no way that a stranger can fill my house with cigarette smoke; lucky to also be in a large yard, a shady backyard that I can and am allowed to turn into the woodland garden of my dreams, and a sunny front yard where I have the same permission to plant all of the herbs and vegetables and perennials and cutting garden annuals which have accumulated over the years (since roughly 2007) on my dream plants list and in my seed collection.
I have more topics to cover just to tell you about my home. I would like to tell you about the secret historic neighborhood where my tiny dream home is located, the wonderful food market visible from my living room window, and some of the other surroundings that are less idyllic than those I've described so far. I'd also like to switch scale to the small contents and surroundings of our home and life in Georgia. Its critters and bugs are plentiful and interesting enough to fill a post on their own.
Sunday, January 05, 2014
This title isn't totally accurate, as when I started blogging, that word didn't exist. But today the word is "blog," and so I didn't call this "old-fashioned online journal writer."
The Internet is irking me lately. I feel more and more like the type of blog I want to write and read no longer has a place. I don't even like to read much of the content I find, but because web content is designed to grab attention, I find myself reading. The trap set by headlines or pictures that make me want to know more leaves me, despite my disappointment, clicking link after link. It doesn't always work. For example, if I have to scroll through dozens of other pictures-plus-headlines to get to some piece of information I want, or if the link leads to a video (UGH! especially the kind that start playing automatically! with VOLUME! With no warning so you can quickly mute if you are in public! UGH! What's wrong with you, Internet?!), I end up closing the tab before anything can load, any ads, anything, and anything else that would attract me into the click-picture/headline-click cycle. It's like that slightly delayed loading time, that momentary white, empty Firefox browser tab, breaks the spell. If a page takes long enough to load that I have time to form a complete sentence of thought--"Wait! What am I doing!? I could be reading Bleak House!"*--then the website has lost me. Real life has gained me back.
So much about the Internet today makes me ask, "Am I old?" I prefer, "old-fashioned." I like long books. I don't have many thoughts that fit into 140 characters. I understand what hashtags are; I just think they're (most of the time, improperly used and therefore) silly! And of course I'm not anti-technology; I've worked in IT, I dream of inventing my own legal software but first I have to decide what kind of lawyer I want to be when I grow up, and I've recently said things like, "If only I could design a relational database to help me run my entire life!" (One module would be like the thing in Clueless that Cher uses to pick out her school clothes, linked to weather information and the user's personal calendar; for example, if there's a business casual event later in the evening and no time to come home and change, that would be taken into consideration. Oops, I'm digressing.) The point is, I love technology! Anyone who has seen me with my smart phone can attest to that.
I just miss some things about the old Internet. I used to have a blog, then called "online journal," in the late 90's. It was just text. I did have pictures on my website, but only on table of contents pages and the front page, or on separate "My Art" type pages. Online journals didn't include pictures in the text, because they took too long to load! (Although now, there is so much extra crap on webpages, that they still don't load quickly. I'd like to see a comparison of how long modern cluttered pages take to load compared to a text-with-maybe-one-picture webpage of the 90's.) In fact, web browsers had an option, which I loved (because we had dial-up), that would let you load webpages with TEXT ONLY. How I have yearned for that option when I find myself on Huffington Post or some other newsy website whose headline overpowered my urge to read Bleak House, a headline that shouted at me, "YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT THIS IS ABOUT" louder than my inner voice protesting, "But this isn't real news!" I would settle for a browser that, if it wouldn't let me block pictures, would let me block ALL VIDEOS from loading (let alone playing automatically) until I clicked, "Yes, I do want to watch this TV show. Allow!"
I know I am not alone. First of all, there's this about the "magazination of blogs." When I first read it, in 2012, I thought, "But I like some of those blogs!" However, it didn't leave me, like so many things we read on the Internet whose presence in our mind is ephemeral as snowfall in Portland. It stuck with me, because I agree. I, too, miss the storytelling.
I also heard an interview with Camille Paglia (linked here, currently available for free, but that might change!) with one of my favorite comedians and podcasters, Julie Klausner, and at one point in the interview, Camilla Paglia talks about how TERRIBLE design has become on the Internet. I thought, "I AGREE!" Someone has put into words what I am thinking! If you don't know what I am talking about, go on Facebook, click a link that someone has shared from a popular website, and just take in the mess of pictures and headlines and comments and pop-ups and gifs and videos playing when you don't want them to and ads and pop-ups. Content chaotically crammed into any available space. A friend of mine with a gift for analogy once said that he hated Times Square and that it was, "like walking through somebody's MySpace page." I loved that analogy so much, I used to use it both ways. ("This MySpace page is like walking through Times Square! Slow! Crowded! Music playing that you don't want to hear!") Well, a MySpace reference may no longer be topical**, but it seems to me that every website on the Internet is like that now. Like walking through Times Square.
Where does that bring me and my blog? I don't want to stop writing, just because I might be old-fashioned. Maybe there are readers still out there who enjoy stories. I'm not sure what the future of Botanylicious will be, but I do know that my flying cat masthead is too good to let go to waste. So Botanylicious will continue into 2014. Happy New Year, readers, if you're still out there.
And because I don't hate everything about the new Internet, I present to you a picture of a cat. Her name is Kokusho, she is about nine months old, and she was a stray that we adopted in September.
*The last sentence interchangeable with, "This isn't the news!", "It's sunny outside!", "The cat is doing something cute!", "I could be knitting!", "I was just supposed to be looking up my reading assignment!" and a variety of others.
** Here, I stopped writing to see if MySpace.com still existed. Before I inaccurately wrote something like, "MySpace is dead!" To my surprise, a website began to load that looked peaceful and uncrowded. I saw whitespace! But I was wrong, it was just a background image that was taking awhile to load.
Sunday, August 18, 2013
Despite my determination not to become a stereotype, I certainly felt like one yesterday, rereading the same passage of my torts book over and over again, the Latin refusing to become any less incomprehensible (or Google-able...still need to find a good Latin dictionary on the Internet), becoming angrier and angrier as dictionary websites that might have been able to help me refused to load. HM came home from work to find me still in pajamas, still in the same chair he'd left me in, wild eyes darting around beneath a messy topknot bun, rambling about the Latin. "I was doing so well until I got to this part!" I insisted. "You read it!" I suggested, aware even at the time that this was completely nonsensical.
"I don't know what any of that meant," he said, quite possibly sneakily, quite possibly knowing what he was doing.
"IT SAYS THAT THE DEFENDANT SHOT THE PLAINTIFF BUT IT WAS AN ACCIDENT AND..." on and on and it became clear that despite the mess of Latin, I had understood some of the passage.
When we got to the part about various webpages not loading, no dictionaries, no Latin dictionaries, no dictionary.com, not even Wikipedia, he said, "Are you using Firefox?"
"Why would I use Firefox? Chrome is the best."
I had to open Internet Explorer in order to do this.
HM explained that there is some bug in recent versions of Chrome where it updates Flash, but doesn't properly delete the old version of Flash, so that any website with any Flash on it (such as an ad) starts attempting to load both versions of Flash concurrently, causing the website to crash. So, for now at least, Firefox is the best.
Not only was it helpful to have access to several dictionaries (a regular dictionary, a legal dictionary, and a Latin dictionary), but I was also relieved to learn that my web page woes were not my brand new laptop's fault. Because what I was most upset about wasn't the incomprehensible Latin (I could always ask about that in class on Monday), but a fear that the brand new laptop I had just spent lots of money on was in fact garbage. That by, after four years of Linux use, trusting Windows again instead of putting my faith into Apple, I had made a terrible, expensive mistake.
The other issue was that the free legal dictionary app I downloaded (as a placeholder until I bought a real one--I'm not crazy!) was also garbage. Part of the panicky stress into which I had lapsed was that the definition I'd found for a key word in the passage made the entire thing really make no sense. Because the definition was wrong.
I had hoped to complete enough reading yesterday that I could take Sunday off, unless I felt like reading ahead. I still have Monday reading to do. That's okay; class hasn't even officially started yet, so I have plenty of time to establish a good study schedule.
If I don't find myself able to take off an entire day each week, what I will at least do is set aside time to read and write for fun. So this blog is not going to die (or continue to languish as it did this summer) just because I am in law school. It may or may not take on a bit more anonymity, however. Like most adults, I have to think about my web presence and how it reflects on me professionally. Believe it or not (from the recent sparseness of posts), I have spent some time thinking about my "brand" as a blogger, a writer, and have done things like secure "botanylicious" as a username on different social media platforms. But I don't want "botanylicious" to be an intentional representation of my legal career. I don't think it should be a secret, but more like a thing someone might stumble across accidentally and that's okay. I just don't think that I should intentionally attach a banner of kitten unicorns with bacon wings to my (eventual as-yet-to-be-created) LinkedIn profile, where I am supposed to seem serious. It is important to display a balance of the serious professional and the real person with outside interests, but kittens with bacon wings is over the line. My Flickr account with pictures of flowers--okay. Pictures of kittens with bacon wings and a story about getting blue cheese dressing in my hair--too silly.
So I plan to split my web presence as the law student from my web presence as a silly writer. I am just not sure how. Especially since I plan to write more often; I learned in my last grad program (the one I left for law school) that the more I wrote outside of class, the easier it was to write for class. All writing is writing practice.
I do have drafts of posts about some of the things HM and I discovered upon moving to a new part of the country. (Side note: aren't you glad I didn't rename this blog, "Big-Haired Jersey Girl
in Oregon In the South"?) These posts were drafted before our encounter with the giant insects I kind of should have known to expect but sort of forgot about until face to face with one. So pretty soon I'll start compiling drafts and paragraphs from emails into some stories. But for now, I have some reading to do.