Saturday, November 19, 2011


I don't want to write anything today. Since 8:30 a.m. there have been workers on the roof of the building where I live. I live on the top floor. I think they are actually taking off the old roof and replacing it, piece by piece. It is cold in the apartment, I guess from the roof removal aspect, and it is loud. We tried to escape to run errands and to go out to brunch, but now I have things I need to do here, like laundry. It is driving us both slowly crazy. HM is more silly crazy, singing lots of songs, and I am irritably crazy.

Yesterday I accidentally prank called my friend in the blandest way possible. I was trying to call the credit union and track down what happened to my new credit card. In addition to noise in the house, we also haven't been getting our mail recently, and I had some theories for that but I actually saw the mail deliverer today and confirmed that it was because the roofers have been hurling things not just in the dumpster in the driveway, but on tarps that are near all entrances to the house. I don't really blame the mail lady for not wanting to get knocked in the head with a piece of our old roof.

Anyway, I was trying to make some calls to find out what happened to the credit card that I was supposed to be getting in the mail. I was directed to a different call center, and the phone rang, and a generic message telling me what number I'd reached, which I thought sounded like, "866" (like the toll free number I'd called), is what I heard, so I left a detailed message and my phone number and expected to hear back from the credit union tomorrow.

Except my cell phone is a piece of garbage. At first, it would just turn on and off in my purse. Maybe call the last person I'd called, if I didn't hit the lock button before I put it in my purse. Then it started unlocking itself, somehow, and calling the last people I'd called, the last people I'd texted, the first five people in my alphabetical contacts list (sorry Angela, Amanda, Alyssa, Alice, and AAA!), and also the number, "7777777777789213490132098132+++zqx."

Oh, and lately, every time I look at my phone, the background has changed and the clock has either disappeared or reappeared. It's not just purse-dialing, it's purse-rearranging-the-settings.

Last night, my phone entered a new level of strange behavior. Apparently, the generic voicemail I heard was actually my friend, but I didn't recognize his voice. Also, he wasn't saying "866," I guess. That or I did leave a message for the credit union, but also for my friend. According to my phone, I called both my friend and the credit union at the same time, for the same length of time.

Past butt-dialing, pocket-dialing, and purse-dialing, has my phone traveled to a new dimension of unwanted behavior--face dialing. The touch screen on my phone is now so sensitive that the side of my face causes it to call someone I had not called or texted recently, who was not one of the first five people in my alphabetical contacts list. After the side of my face called my friend, it also merged that call with my call to the credit union.

And that is how I left the longest, blandest prank voicemail in history. What should I do next? Call my grandmother to request reservations for a restaurant in SE tonight? Maybe on Monday, make an appointment with another friend to discuss my financial aid options for the Spring term?

Well, I guess I did end up writing about something. On the bright side, today is supposedly the last day that the roofers are scheduled to be here.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

What a good out loud authentic, down-to-the-funnybone laugh I had over the face calling comment. All of these woo woo things that your phone does teases paranoia and makes me want to lock my phone if not using it. I love your stream of consciousness writing and I, too, have a hard time pin-pointing one particular moment that is the happiest. And, by the way, love the fabric from NE Alberta! BGF