Sunday, February 13, 2011

A Permanent State of Cranky

There's a magazine article I haven't finished reading yet, so I haven't felt like I could fully comment on it, but it's about a study done that showed that some people are addicted to anxiety. The article focused on that, but the study also showed that some people have an emotion that's their natural state, and even though they may not like feeling that way, they want to feel that way because it's familiar. It's like they know how to operate better when they are in that state, and their performance on certain tasks is better.

This was not the point of the article, but I focused on that concept of an emotion being someone's familiar, natural state. It made me wonder/worry if my natural state is cranky. But also happy at the same time. I am optimistic, but I often find myself cranky. I complain. I complain about little things that I think relate to a bigger picture, and I complain about that bigger picture. I'm optimistic that working on those little things will have an impact on the bigger picture. When I am cranky, I like to make a joke about whatever I am cranky about. But I'm still cranky.

A year ago, when I was getting used to and loving life in Portland, I stepped outside of my box a lot. I was happy a lot more, or at least, I said happy things and smiled more. At some point, my critical eye returned and I allowed to have a voice. In a way, I'm more content, because I feel like I'm more honest with myself about my surroundings, situation, and what I want to do. Which sometimes means, "I want to change the things in which I find fault" and sometimes simply means, "I don't like going out like I did last year and spending all that money on stupid PBR. I want to stay in even though it's Friday and watch a movie and knit a scarf!"

Or am I just cranky?

Here is the article. What do you think about these concepts - addiction to anxiety and a familiar emotion?

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