I meant to do this check-in a little earlier in the year, or maybe write a post elaborating on each resolution, or something. For review, here's the list.
1.Be less petty and more forgiving.
2. Stay organized and keep house clean.
3.Manage time well with school and work.
4. Keep in touch with loved ones in and out of Portland.
5. Maintain finance tracking and budget - keep info together to make wise financial decisions.
6. Fix broken stuff.
7. Go for walks.
8. Make healthy food, emphasizing health more than eco, for now.
7. Read - make time for fun, stress-relieving hobbies.
8. Do I need to be more adventurous? (This is not really a resolution, just a reflection that every year I make some kind of "adventurous" resolution like, "Try one new thing every day!" and on January 1, 2011, I reflected that I have that whole thing down pretty well!
Maybe these resolutions sound okay to you, especially the ones thrown in that are obviously about relaxing and fun, but I know the hidden message behind them all. They are all steps to a plan with the Objective (or perhaps a better word would be "Directive") of Sarah, Become Perfect.. This includes being well-read and good at creative things - don't let the word "hobbies" in Resolution #7 fool you!
My tendency is to get overwhelmed and fall behind on all things, when faced with too much to do. Or take a break for something that should be relaxing, but the whole time I am stressed, feeling guilty for taking a break. This ends today. TODAY!
Who needs to be perfect? I am smart, and I don't need straight A's to tell me that. I have a job and I'm in school - I am productive human being. I don't sit around wasting space (except when I've gotten myself so overwhelmed by a to-do list that I am doing very little. I am financially responsible and always have been; it's just the fact that I'm taking out loans to pay for graduate school that is scaring me. (I have been a debt-phobe for as long as I can remember, avoiding loans and paying off everything in full.) Also, there was some weird hiccup with my student loans where all of it got stuck in some kind of government paperwork limbo and I have been paying out of pocket for everything. Tomorrow the money gets disbursed to my account, finally. FINALLY. But I'm not going to lie - that slow drain on my savings account was a major source of my stress and feelings of imperfection.
Laurie aka Crazy Aunt Purl wrote last week about spending a lot of time trying to decide whether to buy organic or conventional cauliflower, and I saw myself in that post, except for the part where she buys the very inexpensive conventional cauliflower and is at peace. No, I'm still in a place where I spend so much time staring at groceries and doing math in my head that clerks ask me if I need help. Anyway, this weekend I spent a significant amount of time stocking up on things like beans and vegetables and I thought I was so smart for getting things on sale and even remembering to bring my Safeway card with me for a change and then I got my receipt.
"You saved $3.28," it said.
I can be optimistic and say that, $3.28 every week will add up to something good! Or I can say, "Was all that effort and aggravation and guilty hemming and hawing over whether or not to buy the pricey, but good-for-you vegetables really worth $3.28?"