Saturday, September 11, 2010

Another Dollar-Wording Story: Part Three and a Half - The Letter Continued

"Hi Sarah," I heard Mariott's familiar hiss.

"It's Greta and Mariott," another voice chimed in.

"What do you want?" I demanded.

"We just wanted to tell you that we told Mr. Wilson what you said by the buses today," replied Mariott.

"Yeah, we told him what you called us!" reported Greta.

"You're in trouble," Mariott informed me.

"He said he's going to call your parents and call you into his office tomorrow!" announced Greta.

"You're in big trouble," said Mariott.

SLAM! I hung up the phone with as much defiance as I had thrown the letter, stupidly destroying evidence of the incident that had prompted me to use the Dollar Word in the first place.

Distraught, I pondered my next move. I was in deep shit. Crap! There was another bad word! I was in deep trouble. Mr. Wilson was the vice principal of our school, the disciplinarian. All evidence I had suggested that he was the type to reprimand (s)he who had acted last, the student who had reacted to some instigated injustice. Mr. Wilson, I believed, would always be on the bully's side. Without the letter itself, I had even less to use in my defense.

I saw no other solution. My parents, I reasoned, would rather hear about this from me than from Mr. Wilson. They wouldn't want to be blindsided by a call from the school. So I told them what I'd done.

The phone call from Mr. Wilson never came. The next school day was uneventful. Mariott Kadiddlehopper and Greta Grandcouchon hadn't told Mr. Wilson a thing. They called me on the phone that night to lie.

As punishment, my parents dissolved the Dollar Word Rules. My father could use the F-word all he wanted without monetary penalty.

Furthermore, they fined me $1.50 for my usage of the Dollar Word.

To this day, my father tells me that it wasn't because I swore that I was in trouble.

"'Fuckers' doesn't make any sense," my father explained without explaining, without giving his nine-year-old child any further definition of the F word, which he could now inject liberally into his speech. "Just calling someone a 'fucker' isn't an insult. You have to call them a something fucker. You're in trouble because you used the F word incorrectly."


ellen said...

i really, really like this dollar-word series.

Deb said...

I can so hear your father saying that! He was always so practical.

Sarah said...

I'm glad you liked it!
I don't know if *practical* is the word I'd use...
Now I need to remember some other goofy family stories.