Tuesday, September 15, 2009

No one expected you to be polite anyway (some vintage hatemail)

Many of the funny stories with which I entertain people on a regular basis are unfit for publication in this blog. I don't like to risk insulting people, or at least, I don't want to create unnecessary drama even with those I don't mind insulting. The compromise I've made with my own paranoia is that, after a lot of time has passed, it's okay to write about things involving less-than-pleasant people.

One of the strangest and most interesting stories took place four years ago in a South German city where a friend and I once stayed. It will take some time to rebuild this story from my memories, journal entries, and e-mails...mostly because it takes me a long time to sit down and write anything! So, I'll begin with just part of the story. I'm beginning at the end. I won't tell you about this guy and why we grew to dislike him. I won't even tell you my side of the story yet. I'll just let the main character, whom we'll call Jens (which is totally not his name, I just picked a Northern European name at random) (actually it's the name of a reoccurring character from my high school German textbook. In the book, he hat ein Moped!) speak for himself.

So, without further ado, let's go back in time....to 2005.

---------------------------- Original Message ----------------------------
Subject: Math lessons
From: jens@arschgesicht.de *
Date: Thu, October 13, 2005 5:00 am
To: yourfavoriteuglyamerican@eden.rutgers.edu
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A little math problem for you:

Person A (living in USA) owes €12 to Person B (living in germany). A wants to send B a cheque to pay her debts. The bank in germany charges €8 for cashing in foreign country cheques, €1,5 exchange fee and €1,5 courtage (from the US bank). The exchange rate (05.10.13 10:36 MEST) is 1€ = 1,2003$. For how many $ does A have to write out the cheque?

I'll tell you, because you obviously could not solve this one:

(12€ + 8€ + (2*1,5€))*1,2003 = 27,6069$

Ah, btw if I cashed in your cheque, i would get 2,33€!!!

It is pretty impolite to let someone wait for 2 months. You complained after ONE week! But no one expected you to be polite anyway. It is simply unbelievable impudent to send the cheque without a note saying something like "Thanks for the week I stayed with you and for the package. Take care". And I am not sure if you are really that stupid or if you sent me 2,33€ on purpose. I could have told you without asking my bank that the fee is more than 1,33€ for an oversea cheque! In your place I would be ashamed for that!

If you have at least a spark of decency, you better hurry sending me the right amount of money!

Jens *

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What had I done to incite such wrath? Or, how did I meet such a person, who'd get this angry over $14? What the hell does "courtage" mean?

I know you're intrigued, so I'll endeavor to get the rest of the story up over the next month.

* Name and e-mail address changed to protect the writer's identity. I don't know if arschgesicht.de is a real domain--I certainly hope not!

1 comment:

LS said...

And now there is Paypal, with nearly no fees! What an annoying person that was...