Saturday, June 13, 2009

Last Hurrah

Yesterday was my last day at work and it was kind of perfect. After seemingly incessant rain and despite a negative forecast, the sun came out. We had clouds and showers on and off during the day, but it was nice enough that one could actually walk around outside. I decided to walk around the grounds and clip flowers for one last What's In Bloom display. I hadn't actually been doing them for awhile, but I wanted to do one yesterday. I left something behind.
Also, the people who were there yesterday were very nice; it was so far beyond what I expected would happen. Someone brought in bagels and donuts, someone bought ice cream, someone made me a really nice card, someone gave me a book, I'm probably leaving something out, and everyone gave me well wishes.
(Well, almost everyone.)
Everyone who matters.
I was really, really surprised and moved and all that. I am still surprised!
Despite all this, I felt very unsentimental about leaving. Usually, I hate transitions and I always feel that I am leaving something behind. I become miserably attached to ridiculous things--the story I always tell is that, when I was little and my family would stay in hotels on vacation, I would walk around the hotel room on the last day saying goodbye (usually in my head) to everything. This included the bathroom light switch.
I didn't go through my desk an extra time to see if I'd left any papers behind, or any memento I wanted. I said goodbye to all of the things unceremoniously. The gardens were beautiful, just as I would want to remember them, but I know that I can go back and see them anytime. I kind of think I will--go back and walk around before I move, just as a guest. Why should I stay away?
Actually, I did feel sad walking through the gardens. I kept thinking about the tours I'd given, walking past plants and automatically remembering my tour spiel. I liked being a part of those gardens and not just a visitor.
Anyway, the gardens will always be there, for me and for everyone--for the public. The things and routines I will not miss. The people I will, but I don't feel like I am lost to them forever. Thanks to these Internets, among other things.

Afterwards--and this is what I really planned on writing about when I opened the Blogger window, but topics always get away from me--I came home, showed a guy my apartment, and got ready for my Last Hurrah party. I didn't call it that, I called it "people coming over," but it became my Last Hurrah. A lot of people were here, all the pizza got eaten, everyone had a great time, some of the hard liquor was decimated (not enough) and it was kind of perfect.
My Last Hurrah in New Brunswick was attended by three people. (Though I did spend the week going out with different people every night.) My send-off from New Jersey, completely, seems to be different. It almost makes me want to stay.

(Almost.)

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