Thursday, April 02, 2009

Lately, I've been listening to a lot of indie rock. I've been listening to lots and lots and lots of new bands and albums, but I keep going back to the same three CDs or bands and listening to them on loop. I have a wealth of happy music from which to choose, but I keep going back to Blonde Redhead, Wolf Parade, and Interpol. Certain albums--one I had prior to September 1, 2008, can make me sad. (Well, Misery is a Butterfly makes me sad because well, look at the title!) They remind me too much of sad things that happened in my last summer in New Brunswick, or they remind me of happy times and I miss them--but even thought it makes me sad, I want to relive those times. In some ways, I am still stuck in that summer or spring. I am stuck on April 9, 2008--my 24th birthday where I sat down, actually verbalized the sentence, "I am almost 100% happy now," and made a list of things I wanted to accomplish each day to work toward that 100%. I am still stuck on some desolate road in Wyoming or New Mexico, with Mary, in my silver Sunfire. I am stuck on 287, driving to work not understanding what happened to the home I'd left behind on May 27th, 2008, hoping I could get it back before I moved out on September 1st. That summer was spent in limbo, but I was still happy to have some connection to the life I had on my 24th birthday. And yet, it's not like this year hasn't counted or hasn't happened. I'm certainly glad it did happen. I have done a lot of things that I am happy about.
I think this music I've been listening to, which is kind of uneasy, which has a lot of electronic stuff in it and a very dreamy feeling, I think it fits with this disorientation I'm feeling.

(I've also been listening to the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, especially when I'm happy and driving or cleaning the house, and Clap Your Hands Say Yeah and lots of blues and folk music.)

In other news, the flowers I planted when I moved in September are starting to come up.

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