A short history of my romantic life, in the form of nicknames my father gave my ex-boyfriends

Sometimes the brief version of events--the story with the least amount of words--provides the most accuracy.

1998 - Crash
1999 - (no one remembers)
2000 - Spike
2003 - Redneck
2003 - Bad Sweater Brian*
2003 - Unabomber
2004 - Boy Scout
2005 and onward - I don't think anyone lasted long enough to get a nickname


*Jamie, my college roommate, actually came up with this one. There are plenty more stories about "All Ex Boyfriends Go to Bad Sweater Land" and "The Br(i/y)an Trilogy of 2003."